Dr. Abdul Kalam Speaks - Why is the media here so negative?

Why is the media here so negative?

Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements?

We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why?

We are the first in milk production.

We are number one in Remote sensing satellites.

We are the second largest producer of wheat.

We are the second largest producer of rice.

Look at Dr. Sudarshan , he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit. There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.

I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.



In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime.. Why are we so NEGATIVE? Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T.Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.



Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India . For her, you and I will have to build this developed India . You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.

Do you have 10 minutes? Allow me to come back with a vengeance.



Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours..

YOU say that our government is inefficient.

YOU say that our laws are too old.

YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.

YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke. The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.

YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.



YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it?



Take a person on his way to Singapore . Give him a name - 'YOURS'. Give him a face - 'YOURS'. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are.. You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity… In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU? YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai .. YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah.

YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs.650) a month to, 'see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.'YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, 'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.' YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand ..

Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo ? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston ??? We are still talking of the same YOU. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India ?



In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan ..

Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility.

We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.

We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.

This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public.



When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system?

What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.

Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England . When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.



Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one's conscience too…. I am echoing J. F. Kennedy's words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians…..



'ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY'



Lets do what India needs from us.



Forward this mail to each Indian for a change instead of sending Jokes or junk mails.



Thank you,



For Dr.. Abdul Kalam

Valerian 

Two Bananas

Two Bananas a Day Keep all Doctors Away

Never put banana in the refrigerator!!!

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit.

It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium (K) and magnesium (Ma) found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine, 'eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time!

Shine your shoesJ Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth.......

Shine your face J Mix banana with honey and a bit of lemon juice, make paste, apply on your face (beware of skin allergy- so make a test doze first), keep for half an hour every day before sun-rise and wash out... and Your face will shine like fresh banana....

Amazing fruit, really the banana, bringing consolation to the whole humanity.........and rather cheap.....So get going...

Wishing you sound health

Val

LUCK

Why do some people get all the luck while some don't get the breaks they deserve? By Professor Richard Wiseman, University of Hertfordshire

A psychologist says he has discovered the answer:

Ten years ago, I set out to examine luck. I wanted to know why some people are always in the right place at the right time, while others consistently experience ill fortune. I placed advertisements in national newspapers asking for people who felt consistently lucky or unlucky to contact me.

Hundreds of extraordinary men and women volunteered for my research and over the years, I have interviewed them, monitored their lives and had them take part in experiments.

The results reveal that although these people have almost no insight into the causes of their luck, their thoughts and behavior are responsible for much of their good and bad fortune. Take the case of seemingly chance opportunities. Lucky people consistently encounter such opportunities, whereas unlucky people do not.

I carried out a simple experiment to discover whether this was due to differences in their ability to spot such opportunities. I gave both lucky and unlucky people a newspaper, and asked them to look through it and tell me how many photographs were inside. I had secretly placed a large message halfway through the newspaper saying: "Tell the experimenter you have seen this and win £250."

This message took up half of the page and was written in type that was more than two inches high. It was staring everyone straight in the face, but the unlucky people tended to miss it and the lucky people tended to spot it. Unlucky people are generally more tense than lucky people, and this anxiety disrupts their ability to notice the unexpected.

As a result, they miss opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else. They go to parties intent on finding their perfect partner and so miss opportunities to make good friends. They look through newspapers determined to find certain types of job advertisements and miss other types of jobs.

Lucky people are more relaxed and open, and therefore see what is there rather than just what they are looking for. My research eventually revealed that lucky people generate good fortune via four principles. They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.

Towards the end of the work, I wondered whether these principles could be used to create good luck. I asked a group of volunteers to spend a month carrying out exercises designed to help them think and behave like a lucky person.

Dramatic results These exercises helped them spot chance opportunities, listen to their intuition, expect to be lucky, and be more resilient to bad luck. One month later, the volunteers returned and described what had happened. The results were dramatic: 80% of people were now happier, more satisfied with their lives and, perhaps most important of all, luckier.

The lucky people had become even luckier and the unlucky had become lucky.

Finally, I had found the elusive "luck factor"

Listen to your gut instincts - they are normally right

Be open to new experiences and breaking your normal routine

Spend a few moments each day remembering things that went well

Visualize yourself being lucky before an important meeting or telephone call.

Luck is very often a self- fulfilling prophecy.

The science behind getting lucky is thus, simple. Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. So work hard.. and firmly believe that you'll make the cut.. Wish you luck in life

Barriers to commune

Many people think that communicating is easy.

It is after all something we've done all our lives.

There is some truth in this simplistic view.

Communicating is straightforward.

What makes it complex, difficult, and frustrating are the barriers we put in the way.

Here are the 7 top barriers.

1. Physical barriers

Physical barriers in the workplace include:

• marked out territories, empires and fiefdoms into which strangers are not allowed

• closed office doors, barrier screens, separate areas for people of different status

• large working areas or working in one unit that is physically separate from others.

Research shows that one of the most important factors in building cohesive teams is proximity. As long as people still have a personal space that they can call their own, nearness to others aids communication because it helps us get to know one another.

2. Perceptual barriers

The problem with communicating with others is that we all see the world differently. If we didn't, we would have no need to communicate: something like extrasensory perception would take its place.






The following anecdote is a reminder of how our thoughts, assumptions and perceptions shape our own realities:

A traveller was walking down a road when he met a man from the next town. "Excuse me," he said. "I am hoping to stay in the next town tonight. Can you tell me what the townspeople are like?"

"Well," said the townsman, "how did you find the people in the last town you visited?"

"Oh, they were an irascible bunch. Kept to themselves. Took me for a fool. Over-charged me for what I got. Gave me very poor service."

"Well, then," said the townsman, "you'll find them pretty much the same here."

3. Emotional barriers

One of the chief barriers to open and free communications is the emotional barrier. It is comprised mainly of fear, mistrust and suspicion. The roots of our emotional mistrust of others lie in our childhood and infancy when we were taught to be careful what we said to others.

"Mind your P's and Q's"; "Don't speak until you're spoken to"; "Children should be seen and not heard". As a result many people hold back from communicating their thoughts and feelings to others.

They feel vulnerable. While some caution may be wise in certain relationships, excessive fear of what others might think of us can stunt our development as effective communicators and our ability to form meaningful relationships.

4. Cultural barriers

When we join a group and wish to remain in it, sooner or later we need to adopt the behaviour patterns of the group. These are the behaviours that the group accept as signs of belonging.

The group rewards such behaviour through acts of recognition, approval and inclusion. In groups which are happy to accept you, and where you are happy to conform, there is a mutuality of interest and a high level of win-win contact.

Where, however, there are barriers to your membership of a group, a high level of game-playing replaces good communication.

5. Language barriers

Language that describes what we want to say in our terms may present barriers to others who are not familiar with our expressions, buzz-words and jargon. When we couch our communication in such language, it is a way of excluding others. In a global market place the greatest compliment we can pay another person is to talk in their language.

One of the more chilling memories of the Cold War was the threat by the Soviet leader Nikita Khruschev saying to the Americans at the United Nations: "We will bury you!" This was taken to mean a threat of nuclear annihilation.

However, a more accurate reading of Khruschev's words would have been: "We will overtake you!" meaning economic superiority. It was not just the language, but the fear and suspicion that the West had of the Soviet Union that led to the more alarmist and sinister interpretation.

6. Gender barriers

There are distinct differences between the speech patterns in a man and those in a woman. A woman speaks between 22,000 and 25,000 words a day whereas a man speaks between 7,000 and 10,000. In childhood, girls speak earlier than boys and at the age of three, have a vocabulary twice that of boys.

The reason for this lies in the wiring of a man's and woman's brains. When a man talks, his speech is located in the left side of the brain but in no specific area. When a woman talks, the speech is located in both hemispheres and in two specific locations.

This means that a man talks in a linear, logical and compartmentalised way, features of left-brain thinking; whereas a woman talks more freely mixing logic and emotion, features of both sides of the brain. It also explains why women talk for much longer than men each day.

7 Interpersonal barriers

There are six levels at which people can distance themselves from one another:

1. Withdrawal is an absence of interpersonal contact. It is both refusal to be in touch and time alone.

2. Rituals are meaningless, repetitive routines devoid of real contact.

3. Pastimes fill up time with others in social but superficial activities.

4. Working activities are those tasks which follow the rules and procedures of contact but no more.

5. Games are subtle, manipulative interactions which are about winning and losing. They include "rackets" and "stamps".

6. Closeness is the aim of interpersonal contact where there is a high level of honesty and acceptance of yourself and others.

Working on improving your communications is a broad-brush activity. You have to change your thoughts, your feelings, and your physical connections.

That way, you can break down the barriers that get in your way and start building relationships that really work.

OVERCOMING BARRIERS TO

COMMUNICATION

Bernard L. Erven

Department of Agricultural, Environmental, and Development Economics

Ohio State University

Communication plays a major role in employer-employee relationships on farms. It also

affects the relationships among family members on the management team. Although effective

communication does not guarantee success of a farm business, its absence usually assures

problems. A communication problem may soon become a crisis or it may linger on for years.

More specifically, communication influences the effectiveness of the hiring and training

of employees, motivation of employees, providing daily instructions, performance evaluations

and the handling of discipline problems. These are the obvious roles of communication.

Communication also affects the willingness of employees to provide useful suggestions.

Employees feeling a part of the business requires communication. In fact, for employees to make

the important evolution from "workers" to "working managers" requires effective communication

between supervisors and employees.

Employees typically are hesitant to state their goals, their concerns and their

disappointments. Of course, an employee may be a complainer and share views to the point a

supervisor silently begs for less "communication." Much more common is the need to better

understand what an employee is "really thinking."





Barriers to Communication

• Physical (time, environment, comfort, needs, physical medium)

• Cultural (ethnic, religious, and social differences)

• Perceptional (viewing what is said from your own mindset)

• Motivational (mental inertia)

• Experiential (lack of similar experience)

• Emotional (personal feelings at the moment)

• Linguistic (different languages or vocabulary)

• Non-verbal (non-word messages)

• Competition (noise, doing other things besides listening)

• Words (we assign a meaning to a word often because of culture -- note the difference in the meaning of "police" (contrast Berrien Springs versus Benton Harbor or any inner city perspective) or "boy" (contrast white male with black male perspectives)

• Context (high / low)

• Purpose (example: note the difference in communication between men versus women; for men it's report-talk versus rapport-talk or information versus bonding

• Mode (differences in way a message is sent). Note the black versus white modes:

Black White

High keyed

Argument

Spontaneous

Boasting

Person Oriented Low keyed

Discussion

Controlled / Self-Restrained

Understanding

Task Oriented

Blacks perceive whites as detached, devious, impersonal, condescending, hypocritical, avoiding eye contact, and too silent Whites perceive blacks as aggressive, over-emotional, angry, confrontational, interruptive, too personal, showboating

• Gestures (misunderstood gestures are a major barrier see discussion on non-verbal language)

• Variations in language – accent, dialect

• Slang - jargon - colloquialism

• Different forms or reasons for verbal interaction

Dueling – seeing who can get the upper hand (playing the dozens)

Repartee conversation – taking short turns rather than monologue

Ritual conversation – standard replies with little meaning to words themselves (i.e. most US greetings)

Self-disclosure. The level of self-disclosure is culturally determined. Not all cultures wish to give personal information; some want to do business without knowing the other person while others insist on full knowledge first.

How to Identify Barriers to Communication



Instructions

1. Step 1

Identify physical barriers to communication. Some of these barriers include distractions like a loud work environment, poor lighting, inappropriate temperature and poor or outdated equipment. Some physical barriers such as noise make communication impossible while others, such as an environment that is too hot or too cold, have the potential to affect morale and make effective communication difficult.

2. Step 2

Find deficiencies in organizational design. Deficiencies in organizational design cause barriers in communication because they make it unclear who people are expected to communicate with in order to effectively and efficiently solve a problem. In organizations, a chain of command that is not established or lack of management supervision often leads to a lack in clarity regarding roles and responsibilities. In the workplace, this leads to a staff that is uncertain of what is expected of them.

3. Step 3

Recognize barriers that are based on attitude. These barriers generally are a consequence of deficiencies in organizational design. Lack of training or supervision may lead to lack of motivation in employees, which in turn leads to a deficiency in job satisfaction and poor production rates.

4. Step 4

Discern psychological barriers. People who are having personal problems or are distracted generally are not as receptive or responsive to the information they are receiving.

5. Step 5

Understand cultural differences. Different cultures communicate differently. Effective communication in a multi-cultural environment requires the ability and willingness to translate the motives, aspirations, basic values and assumptions that fuel problems, habits or modes of communication.

6. Step 6

Notice different linguistic abilities between communicators. The choice of words that a person uses is received and deciphered through the listener's filter based on his own experiences and abilities. Language is a symbolic means of communicating and there is a lot of room for distortion and misunderstanding.

7. Step 7

Pinpoint physiological barriers such as misreading non-verbal cues. Those cues are anything from body positioning and body language to the person's tone of voice.

8. Step 8

Be aware of other barriers to communication such as selective hearing, a hesitation to be candid or informal, lack of trust, defensiveness and stereotyping.

Who Will You Be When You No Longer Are?

Who Will You Be When You No Longer Are?

[Warning! There is a risk that as you read our notes you may think that we are suggesting that there is no "reason to live". That is not what we are saying at all! In fact we are saying the opposite, we have abundant hope that if you search your heart, mind, and soul, you will find in yourself the reason for living. If you are discouraged or depressed, please finish reading all the notes. Anyone who is, or becomes, seriously depressed should always seek immediate medical help. See Distress & Depression at the end of our notes.]

If in fact you do exercise meaningful freedom of choice, what good is it to be a unique human being if at your death you cease to exist? If you do not continue to exist in some form after death, what good are all the experiences, decisions, triumphs, defeats, all the moments of your life? If you do not survive the grave, if you return to the state of being that preceded your birth, then I suggest to you that nothing in fact does matter. While over the ages men and women have sought to perpetuate themselves through their children, their place in history, their role in society, and through intricate philosophical webs of existentialism and other essays on physical man's importance, the fact of physical death remains. If each generation's death means the end of those individuals, then we are all faced with an endless cycle of creation and destruction, the meaning of which, if any, is beyond comprehension.

If there is anything in life we can count on occurring without fail, it is physical death. The successful bank president, the champion athlete, the housewife, the famous, the unknown, every human being, you, die. While all acknowledge the certainty of their eventual demise, few think about death until they are faced with it. The very nature of human life denies death and shrouds it in the cloak of future events, events that are not yet real and do not need to be dealt with in the present. Living is too important and time consuming to be concerned with mortality. The fact that you are moving steadily toward your death is most likely, and literally, to be the last thing on your mind.

Observing the inevitable death of every creature that inhabits the earth, we may have a recurrent feeling that death is the end. On the other hand, it is virtually inconceivable to us that all we are, all we have been, all we will be, will be rendered void in that moment of death. It goes against human nature to visualize the effective destruction of our past, present, and future, which accompanies death without existence beyond death. Yet if each human being does cease to exist, then all human beings are, or in the case of generations yet unborn will be, waiting their turn to cease existing. If each and every human being ceases to be, then the feeling of continuity that pervades the human race is false (please remember we do not believe that life is in fact destroyed by physical death).

In their arguments for humanism, existentialism, etc., philosophers have spent lifetimes trying to construct a difference between the apparent continuity of humankind, and the periodic death of individual humans. Most of us think of our ancestors as a link to the past, and our children as a link to the future, yet if we do not survive the grave each generation dies an isolated death that mocks any assertion that humankind has a continuing existence apart from its individual members. If each person's death results in their no longer existing, then no manner of historical recording, social progression, or other remembrance in the minds of those whose time to die is yet to come, can in any way affect, preserve, or make any difference whatsoever to those who no longer are. No one will survive to remember. If each of us ceases to be, then your life has no meaning and your choices make no difference.

This is a very difficult conclusion to accept, it goes against our intuitive feelings about human life, and against our assumptions that individual physical lives have meaning and value. Yet if we are little more than doomed animals, our intuitive feeling of meaning and value would not be surprising. From the very beginning, to assure survival of any species, evolution would certainly have instilled in living creatures the feeling that there is a reason for them to exist, a reason for them to crawl out of the ocean and build cities. If there is no life after death, and our lives are in fact consumed by "nothing", it is no wonder that our genetic heritage argues so strongly against that possibility.

Think about it for awhile. If each person's consciousness is the product of their physical brain, then individual physical consciousness exists only during that person’s physical life on earth. If each of our physical lives proceeds from birth to death, then the consequence of each person's death necessarily follows their death. Who can be affected by that death? Certainly those who survive may be affected, but here is the "problem", the death cannot be of any consequence to the purely physical human being who no longer exists. The moment before the death of a human being it can be said that their impending death affects them, but the very moment after the person dies, he or she is no longer around to be affected!

Cause and effect, action and consequence, occur in a fixed order, the former always "preceding" the latter. Let us assume, for example, that a comet hits the Earth and all life is annihilated. It is very hard to accept, but if consciousness, our mind, is nothing more than a physical phenomena, if there is no non-physical life after death, the most logical conclusion is that the complete annihilation of humankind is of absolutely no consequence to humankind! While the words may sound bizarre and counter intuitive, in fact they are not. The moment after the total destruction of humankind there is no humankind left to be affected. Indeed, there is no humankind around that is conscious of the fact that the comet struck the earth!

The same logic applies to the history of individuals not visited by a catastrophic event. If you believe that each human being is nothing more than an individual physical entity, and therefore that there is no life after death, then at the time of their death each human being experiences the identical individual annihilation that all humankind would experience together if the earth was "destroyed" by a comet. If a human being named Bill dies at 12:00 noon, and there is no life after death, at 12:01 Bill is not "around" to be affected by his death. After 12:00 noon you could search the entire universe for Bill and you would not find him. If there is no life after death, the very moment after the event known as Bill's death, Bill no longer exists, and Bill cannot be affected by anything, including his death.

The logic goes even further. If you do not believe that human consciousness continues to exist after physical death, then death not only annihilates each individual's present and future, but also annihilates their past. Most people would agree that for an object to have a present and a future the object must exist. Yet many would make the distinction that while an object cannot have a present and a future if it does not exist, it somehow can have a past. It is clear that the present and future of an object are bound to the existence of the object, but so to is the object's past.

The problem lies in the use of the words past, present, and future both to describe that which is part of an object (a "past" that belongs to the object, like a person’s memories that “belong” to the living individual from birth to death), and to describe the existence of the person from a third party's view (a “past” which is a chronological description of a life, like a photo album containing pictures of an individual who has died).

It is a misconception to equate the fact that there is a "history" of all beings or objects that is set in the "past", with the statement that a being or object that no longer exists has a "past". The first idea simply says that the being or object existed over a finite period that is apparent to those who currently exist. The second idea is different, there is a “history” set in the past that is the sum of all lifetimes, but a person who no longer exists has no “past” that is unique to and dependent on their existence. A person who has died has no physical past, present, or future for the simple reason that the person no longer exists.

Admittedly, our conclusions about physical death are totally opposite to our "common sense" understanding of life. There are many arguments that purport to counter this logic, including assertions that a person's life before physical death has “existential” meaning in and of itself. Yet all of the humanistic arguments are based on the biophysics of existence before physical death. They are set in the time before death, within the causal sequence of events that precede death. We believe that none of the arguments adequately address the period after death (perhaps with the possible exception suggested by modern physics that is discussed below), and therefore none answer the question of how a person who no longer exists can have a present, or a future, or a past?

If death is the end of your existence, should you be frightened by the certainty of your destruction? If indeed you cease to exist, you need not fear death, for after your death you will feel neither pain, nor pleasure, nor peace, nor torment. "You" will no longer exist, therefore "you" will feel nothing. The resulting void is just that, a complete and total void. There is nothing to fear, for there will be no one to experience anything negative. There is nothing to look forward to, for there will be no one to experience anything positive. The only way you can visualize what is usually called a "nihilistic" death is to picture yourself after death as being in the same state you were in before birth (of course you were not really in any state at all). Such a fate would leave nothing to be feared.

Philosophers often speak of the void that would follow physical death without life after death as the abyss, the unknown, the approaching void, etc. All of these suggest that we are on a journey to a "place" which lies at the end of our physical lifetimes. If on our death we cease to exist, this idea that we are traveling to our ultimate destiny is false. We are not traveling to an abyss, the void, or the unknown, for these words suggest that we are moving toward something. I recognize the seeming absurdity of the language, yet if on our death we cease to exist, then "nothing" totally consumes us.

This is the heart of the problem, we cannot in any way whatsoever understand or visualize "nothing". When we think about “nothing", we turn it into “something” that can be thought about. The moment we attempt to comprehend or visualize "nothing", we interject something into "nothing", preventing us from reaching our goal. The only way we can answer the question "what is nothing?" is to answer it by not asking it, for if we ask the question we destroy the answer.

What about the fact that modern physics suggests that the physical existence of each human being somehow persists in space-time in the form of an individual's "worldline”. Worldlines contain every sequential event in a human being's life from birth to death. Classical interpretations often say that a human being is his or her entire worldline, but they do not really explain what is meant by this. They almost universally conclude that each event in a human being's life exists as an event in space-time, so that if we could observe the point on a worldline that is the tenth birthday of someone who is now eleven years old, we would see that person experiencing their tenth birthday. We would not see a "copy", or a "repeat", of the particular day, we would see the person's tenth birthday as it is occurring, period!

The interpretations tell us that each individual exists as discrete human consciousness in the billions of events located at every point along that individual's worldline. We might want to say that I am the "sum" of all the points, yet the assertion that a human being is his or her entire worldline, from birth to death, does not appear to be consistent with the general consensus that every event along a worldline has a singular existence that cannot be preferred over any other event on that worldline.

Some physicists describe the physical reality of multiple events along a single worldline by saying that there are many "now's", others say there are billions of approximate "isomorphs" of "me", many claim there are billions of other worlds in which various versions of "me" coexist, etc. It seems reasonable to conclude that modern physics tells us that literally billions of discrete, very real, versions of each of us occupy space-time. We might seek comfort in the existence of what appear to be permanent physical worldlines, yet all of the theories seem to lead us to the same metaphysical conclusion. If you do not have a single physical existence located somewhere on your worldline, your life has no meaning and your choices make no difference to “you”, simply because there is no single physical "you" that exists after physical death.

While we believe that Einstein and Minkowski’s theorems about spacetime are right, we do not believe that the current interpretations of the theories explain what the math actually tells us about our physical consciousness. We believe that Einstein’s relativity accommodates our intuitive feelings that we can’t go backward or forward in time by requiring human beings to pass through, to sequentially experience, each event on their worldlines. We think that modern relativitistic and quantum physics provide a mechanism whereby human beings do not exist, exist, do not exist at each point on their worldline. From what we know, whether there is no single “you” in spacetime, or there is a single “you” that moves along your worldline from past to present, we conclude that science offers us little or no hope of a permanent physical consciousness.

There is another possibility, that the intuitive feeling human beings have that their physical past cannot change or be lost is based on some real, yet unknown, physical model of our universe. For example, virtually everyone is certain that if they are eleven years old now they have already experienced their tenth year of life, and nothing can take from them the past experience of being ten years old. The intuitive feeling is very strong that our physical life makes a positive or negative contribution to human existence, and that our physical life is a permanent part of the physical universe. Perhaps there is some single physical consciousness that incorporates all of the events along our worldline, and that preserves our physical past, present, and future. We cannot rule out this possibility, if for no other reason than the fact that it is theoretically impossible to prove a negative.

The possibility that we have a permanent physical consciousness seems to require the existence of a physical consciousness that is not bound to events on a worldline. Yet it seems intuitively true that if consciousness of past events can be lost when memories fade in old age or are damaged when we suffer brain injuries or strokes, then physical consciousness has not incorporated those past events into a permanent singular “me”. In fact, every night between dreams we lose touch with our memories as we sleep. Einstein only briefly addressed physical (not non-physical) existence when he said “An individual who should survive his physical death is also beyond my comprehension, ….”

I can visualize and accept a “non-physical consciousness” that survives physical death, yet I am unable to have any confidence in the existence of a singular “physical consciousness” that survives the physical death of a human being. I may be wrong, yet I can say that after many years of thought I am convinced that any attempt to construct a model of permanent physical consciousness does far more damage to the centuries of accumulated scientific knowledge, than does the acceptance of the possibility that a permanent non-physical consciousness may exist.

A moment's comment on those who believe they may be able to physically perpetuate themselves through cryogenics, cloning, etc. Our universe will eventually return to a state of uniformly high entropy, so that the cosmos will become a hostile environment in which physical life cannot be sustained. While a physical end to all biologic creatures may seem absurdly far away, your great, great, great (to the 100th. power), grand-clone would find it frightfully real when the time came for their physical demise, a distant time from now which like all imaginable time is but a second in eternity.

What should our response be to all of this? We strongly believe that there is absolutely no reason not to live for the possibility that life has meaning and value. We think we are right about the transitory nature of physical consciousness, but we may be wrong. If our conclusions are wrong, perhaps we do in fact have a physical consciousness that survives physical death. If we are wrong, we may have a perpetual physical existence that gives meaning and value to our physical lives, even if there is no non-physical life after death. We will not pursue this possibility, yet you should recognize that it exists.

If we are right, if our physical consciousness does not survive physical death, our death may mark the end of our existence. Yet if our physical consciousness dies, it is still quite possible that we will not face a "nihilistic" death. Perhaps we have a non-physical consciousness that survives physical death, and that gives meaning and value to our lives. We will consider this possibility in more detail as we continue our search for a reason for living.

Beyond the human desire for meaning in life, we would suggest that the logical consequences of what philosophers call a nihilistic death, "require" the search for alternatives to nihilism. Those who believe that the nihilistic void is approaching are, by the very nature of their humanity, required to search for something to believe in other than the void. While it appears to be impossible to scientifically prove that life has meaning and value, it is equally impossible to prove that life has no meaning and value. No matter what the person who believes that life is meaningless may believe to be true at any particular time in their life, the possibility always exists that he or she may eventually find true meaning and value in their life.

There is no reason to be a "nihilist", no reason to believe that life ends at death. If nihilism is correct, if life does end at death, it makes no difference whatsoever if we believe it is correct, or not. If we believe nihilism is correct, and it is correct, that does not alter the void that would follow death. If we believe nihilism is not correct, and it is correct, that does not alter the void that would follow death. If we do not believe anything at all about nihilism, and it is correct, that does not alter the void that would follow death. Yet if nihilism is not correct, belief and/or faith in that which offers a reason for living may well be essential to our existence. If because we believe nihilism is correct we accept the void, and we are wrong, then we have doomed ourselves. If we recognize that the humanistic belief that there is no life after death leads to the nihilistic conclusion that the "void" will consume past, present, and future, then to escape the quicksand of nihilistic time we must search for alternatives that provide a reason for living.

It is very important to recognize that nihilism can never lead to suicide, for nihilism tells us that if we do in fact live in a nihilistic world, nothing that happens in our lives, no matter how "badly" we may feel about it at the time, has any "real" consequence at all. It tells us that what we perceive to be the very worst events in our lives are no better, or worse, than any other events. I am absolutely convinced that the philosophical neutrality that nihilism demands, means that nihilism never suggests or supports suicide as an option for any human being.

Furthermore, since it is absolutely clear that we may not live in a nihilistic world, and that nihilism may be wrong, there can never be any reason to terminate our life, risk the negative consequences, and abandon the possible positive consequences of living a meaningful life. We are a small part of the whole. Unless the answer is revealed to us by the whole, we can never know during our physical lives what really happens when our physical life ends. Life may have physical or non-physical meaning and value that we do not, and perhaps cannot until our physical death, recognize and understand.

There is no reason at all to reject the possibility that each of us has some kind of permanent physical or non-physical consciousness. There is absolutely no logical reason whatsoever to reject the possibility that nihilism may be false! There is no reason whatsoever not to search for an alternative to nihilism, to explore the possibility of a permanent physical or non-physical consciousness, to search for a reason for living. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever not to live for the possibility, however remote you may believe it to be, that life has meaning and value

Qualities of a Valuable Employee

Ten Qualities of a Valuable Employee

BY BRUCE A. RITTER

Being new to the job market can be incredibly tough—especially when employers and managers have plenty of eager teens and young adults, just like you, to choose from the hiring pool.

Yet, employers also recognize that valuable employees are quickly becoming a rare commodity. They know that bringing in new help is risky. Hiring the wrong people could ruin their company—while hiring effective, productive employees could cause business to soar. Most times, employers don’t know what kind of workers they have hired until it is too late.

Suppose you owned and ran a small company. What kind of employees would you want working for you? What basic character traits would you look for in them? You would naturally seek those that would make your business run smoothly, minimize mistakes, lift morale and increase profits.

No matter the position, field or profession, valuable employees will always be in demand. And not just for their skills and talents, but also because they have built up solid track records of basic, yet vital, hallmarks that distinguish them from their peers.

If you want to obtain job security—if you want employers and supervisors to consider you too valuable to ever let go—if you want your services to be in demand on the job market—then you must stand out from the crowd. You need to set yourself apart from a hiring pool largely made up of laborers who barely work enough to earn a paycheck.

But how?

Ten Character Traits

Here are ten characteristics of valuable employees. These ten traits are just a few of the many qualities employers and managers desire in their workers. Practice them. Make them a part of your thinking. Doing so will dramatically increase your worth in the eyes of current and future employers.

Listening to instructions: Have you ever noticed that mistakes on the job are usually followed by someone saying, “Oops, I thought you said…”? Mistakes and accidents are often the result of people failing to pay attention to what they are told. Misunderstandings and miscommunications can be avoided if everyone simply applied this basic biblical instruction: “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak” (Jms. 1:19).

It is human nature to speak and react first, then listen later (if at all). Rather than taking the time to consider the circumstances of any given situation, people tend to rush to judgment.

How many times have you said something to someone, only to have them jump to the wrong conclusion? God’s Word addresses this: “He that answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame unto him” (Prov. 18:13).

It is a rare person who waits and listens before acting. Yet, carefully listening to instructions will reduce mistakes and prevent accidents. It also shows respect to those attempting to guide you. As managers see that you are patiently listening to them without interruption, they will be assured that you are taking them and your duties seriously.

Taking responsibility: Unfortunately, many (if not most) employees do just enough work to get by—just enough to justify receiving a wage. This can be seen in today’s mass-produced products, which do not reflect the quality and care of individual craftsmanship.

If you want to improve your value as an employee, then know your duties inside and out and pay attention to detail. The more you know what to do and when to do it, the more it allows your supervisor to devote his attention to other areas in the company.

Avoid “tunnel vision”—focusing on your job and your job alone. Instead, be aware of the responsibilities of your co-workers and recognize how your duties affect their workload.

When things go wrong, most people will follow their human nature and shift the blame to others. Yet, valuable employees are not afraid to take responsibility for their actions.

Taking initiative: Generally, there are two types of workers—those who wait to be told what to do, and those who think things through and keep busy by constantly finding tasks that need performing. In an age when most workers—both teens and adults—do as little as possible, and then only when told, a self-motivated employee automatically sets himself apart from the crowd. He has a reputation for looking out for the employer’s best interests and putting customers first.

There is a saying that goes like this: “Give a busy man more work, as it is likely to be done efficiently.” Those who show initiative—who hunt for ways to solve problems, to improve things, and to be more efficient—are most likely to be given more responsibility—even a promotion.

Giving credit to others: Just as people tend to point their fingers at others when things go wrong, these same people will take credit for the good work of others. That is a sad fact of life, yet so true.

But consider what the apostle Paul was inspired to write: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Phil. 2:3-4).

Practice giving credit to others. Whenever you are complimented for a job well done, always share the spotlight with those who helped you succeed. This will improve and strengthen morale among your fellow employees. It will also build trust among them, for they will be confident that you will look out and speak up for them, especially when no one else will.

Being responsive: There was a time when, if someone said, “Thank you,” the other person would reply, “You’re welcome.” But not anymore. Today, people usually reply with “Uh-huh” or “Sure” or some other statement. It is as though they lack the common courtesy to respond properly.

Social interaction is becoming a lost art. Too often, people—especially teens and young adults who were not taught better—do not know how to interact with others.

When someone addresses you, kindly respond. Let that person know that you heard him. This is common courtesy. This alone will set you apart from others who routinely say nothing, but stare blankly into space.

Responding to people is just another way of showing them that they matter. Believe it or not, some customers will determine how much business they will bring to your place of employment based on how well you treat them. Think about it: If you were in the market to buy a new jacket, where would you rather shop—at a store that hardly recognizes your human existence, or at one that treats you with warmth and respect?

Performing your duties cheerfully: Some people are naturally upbeat, positive and easy to be around. On the job, such individuals are usually well liked by their peers and acquaintances. Do you know why? It is because no one wants to work around someone who maintains a surly or negative attitude. Pessimism breeds more pessimism. Likewise, positive, cheerful attitudes can also be “contagious.”

After being delivered from slavery in Egypt, ancient Israel constantly grumbled and complained as they made their way to the Promised Land. Their murmurings led to contempt for God’s leaders, and ultimately gave way to rebellion.

When Israel sent twelve spies to scout out the Promised Land, ten of them brought back a negative report, while two—Joshua and Caleb—brought back a good report. All twelve spies saw the same things, but the majority focused on the negative while the few looked at the positive. This caused Israel to murmur, whine and complain. This quietly led to rebellion. God had to sentence His people to wander in the wilderness for 40 years, so that a new generation—one that would appreciate His many blessings—would take their place and conquer “the land of milk and honey.”

At work, as in life, things sometimes go wrong. Problems need to be solved. No one (especially an employer) wants to work with people who only see problems, but not solutions.

Consider: All jobs and professions have at least one thing in common—their purpose is to solve problems. The greater and more complex the problems, the greater the demand and the higher the income for the positions needed to solve them. Yet, amazingly, many routinely gripe and complain about tasks they think are beneath them. They never stop to think that if such tasks did not need to be resolved, they would be out of a job!

If everyone kept this in mind, they would appreciate why they were hired in the first place, and the workplace would be a more pleasant environment.

Being dependable: Supervisors can tell you horror stories about employees who habitually call in sick or arrive late.

By your actions, show people that they can depend on you, and that you keep your commitments. Arrive to work on time, return phone calls, and perform tasks on time—remember that simple commitments are important, too.

In addition, no matter what you are assigned to do, strive to achieve a consistent level of quality and excellence. Be known for performing tasks well all the time.

Staying healthy: Whenever an employee is sick and takes time off from work, his co-workers will have to cover for him. They will have to do his duties, in addition to fulfilling their own duties. If he makes a habit of calling in sick, his fellow workers will start to resent him, and morale will suffer. You can avoid this by simply eating healthy, staying away from junk food, getting plenty of rest, exercising, etc.—in other words, by doing all that you can to prevent sickness.

That said, if you do come down with an illness that can spread to others, don’t go to work until you are feeling better. Going to work while sick might seem admirable, but you could end up passing your illness on to other employees. Think of it this way: It is far better to have just one person stay home sick than it is to have several employees miss work due to catching an illness that could have been avoided.

Becoming self-disciplined: Society offers plenty of things to attract our attention—the Internet, television, cell phones, etc. But a good employee is one who stays on track. He doesn’t allow things outside the job to creep in and steal his time, attention and energy from doing what he has been hired to do. He remains focused.

Exceeding expectations: Too many workers do only what they are required to do, and nothing more. You can instantly increase your value to the company by going above and beyond what is expected of you, such as being willing to take on duties that others refuse to do.

Notice what Jesus Christ taught about profitable servants: “But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat? And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird yourself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward you shall eat and drink? Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. So likewise you, when you shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do” (Luke 17:7-10).

The Ultimate Job Security

Remember, today’s workforce is largely made up of non-motivated, indifferent, irresponsible laborers who are more concerned with self-interests than with the interests of others.

You have an advantage over young people in the world—you have access to God’s truth. Each of these ten character traits are based on His Word. God expects you to develop them. He even offers to help you do this. He knows that if you yield to Him now, He can use you as a future “employee” in the millennium, leading and guiding humanity in the only way that produces permanent peace and real happiness—God’s Way.

The ten hallmarks of valuable employees will automatically set you apart from the crowd. They will increase your value in the job market, and will provide you with job security. And they will also help you become an effective worker and leader in the world tomorrow.

Resolving Team Conflict

Resolving Team Conflict

Building Stronger Teams by Facing Your Differences

Conflict can be pretty much inevitable when you work with others. People have different viewpoints and under the right set of circumstances, those differences escalate to conflict. How you handle that conflict determines whether it works to the team's advantage or contributes to its demise.

You can choose to ignore it, complain about it, blame someone for it, or try to deal with it through hints and suggestions; or you can be direct, clarify what is going on, and attempt to reach a resolution through common techniques like negotiation or compromise. It's clear that conflict has to be dealt with, but the question is how: It has to be dealt with constructively and with a plan, otherwise it's too easy to get pulled into the argument and create an even larger mess.

Conflict isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. Healthy and constructive conflict is a component of high functioning teams. Conflict arises from differences between people; the same differences that often make diverse teams more effective than those made up of people with similar experience. When people with varying viewpoints, experiences, skills, and opinions are tasked with a project or challenge, the combined effort can far surpass what any group of similar individual could achieve. Team members must be open to these differences and not let them rise into full-blown disputes.

Understanding and appreciating the various viewpoints involved in conflict are key factors in its resolution. These are key skills for all team members to develop. The important thing is to maintain a healthy balance of constructive difference of opinion, and avoid negative conflict that's destructive and disruptive.

Getting to, and maintaining, that balance requires well-developed team skills, particularly the ability to resolve conflict when it does happens, and the ability to keep it healthy and avoid conflict in the day-to-day course of team working. Let's look at conflict resolution first, then at preventing it.

Resolving Conflict

When a team oversteps the mark of healthy difference of opinion, resolving conflict requires respect and patience. The human experience of conflict involves our emotions, perceptions, and actions; we experience it on all three levels, and we need to address all three levels to resolve it. We must replace the negative experiences with positive ones.

The three-stage process below is a form of mediation process, which helps team members to do this:

Step 1: Prepare for resolution

• Acknowledge the conflict – The conflict has to be acknowledged before it can be managed and resolved. The tendency is for people to ignore the first signs of conflict, perhaps as it seems trivial, or is difficult to differentiate from the normal, healthy debate that teams can thrive on. If you are concerned about the conflict in your team, discuss it with other members. Once the team recognizes the issue, it can start the process of resolution.

• Discuss the impact – As a team, discuss the impact the conflict is having on team dynamics and performance.

• Agree to a cooperative process – Everyone involved must agree to cooperate in to resolve the conflict. This means putting the team first, and may involve setting aside your opinion or ideas for the time being. If someone wants to win more than he or she wants to resolve the conflict, you may find yourself at a stalemate.

• Agree to communicate – The most important thing throughout the resolution process is for everyone to keep communications open. The people involved need to talk about the issue and discuss their strong feelings. Active listening is essential here because to move on you need to really understand where the other person is coming from.



Step 2: Understand the Situation

Once the team is ready to resolve the conflict, the next stage is to understand the situation, and each team member's point of view. Take time to make sure that each person's position is heard and understood. Remember that strong emotions are at work here so you have to get through the emotion and reveal the true nature of the conflict.

• Clarify positions – Whatever the conflict or disagreement, it's important to clarify people's positions. Whether there are obvious factions within the team who support a particular option, approach or idea, or each team member holds their own unique view, each position needs to be clearly identified and articulated by those involved.

• This step alone can go a long way to resolve the conflict, as it helps the team see the facts more objectively and with less emotion.



Sally and Tom believe the best way to market the new product is through a TV campaign. Mary and Beth are adamant that internet advertising is the way to go; whilst Josh supports a store-lead campaign.



• List facts, assumptions and beliefs underlying each position – What does each group or person believe? What do they value? What information are they using as a basis for these beliefs? What decision-making criteria and processes have they employed?



Sally and Tom believe that TV advertising is best because it has worked very well in the past. They are motivated by the saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Mary and Beth are very tuned-in to the latest in technology and believe that to stay ahead in the market, the company has to continue to try new things. They seek challenges and find change exhilarating and motivating. Josh believes a store-lead campaign is the most cost-effective. He's cautious, and feels this is the best way to test the market at launch, before committing the marketing spend.



• Analyze in smaller groups – Break the team into smaller groups, separating people who are in alliance. In these smaller groups, analyze and dissect each position, and the associated facts, assumptions and beliefs.

• Which facts and assumptions are true? Which are the more important to the outcome? Is there additional, objective information that needs to be brought into the discussion to clarify points of uncertainly or contention? Is additional analysis or evaluation required?



Consider using formal evaluation and decision-making processes where appropriate. Techniques such as PMI, Forcefield Analysis, Paired Comparison Analysis and Cost/Benefit Analysis are among those that could help.

If such techniques have not been used already, they may help make a much more objective decision or evaluation. Gain agreement within the team about which techniques to use, and how to go about the further analysis and evaluation.



• By considering the facts, assumptions, beliefs and decision making that lead to other people's positions, the group will gain a better understanding of those positions. Not only can this reveal new areas of agreement, it can also reveal new ideas and solutions that make the best of each position and perspective.

• Take care to remain open, rather than criticize or judge the perceptions and assumptions of other people. Listen to all solutions and ideas presented by the various sides of the conflict. Everyone needs to feel heard and acknowledged if a workable solution is to be reached.

• Convene back as a team – After the group dialogue, each side is likely to be much closer to reaching agreement. The process of uncovering facts and assumptions allows people to step away from their emotional attachments and see the issue more objectively. When you separate alliances, the fire of conflict can burn out quickly, and it is much easier to see the issue and facts laid bare.

Step 3: Reach agreement

Now that all parties understand the others' positions, the team must decide what decision or course of action to take. With the facts and assumptions considered, it's easier to see the best of action and reach agreement.



In our example, the team agrees that TV advertising is the best approach. It has had undeniably great results in the past and there is no data to show that will change. The message of the advertising will promote the website and direct consumers there. This meets Mary and Beth's concern about using the website for promotions: they assumed that TV advertising would disregard it.



If further analysis and evaluation is required, agree what needs to be done, by when and by whom, and so plan to reach agreement within a particular timescale. If appropriate, define which decision making and evaluation tools are to be employed.

If such additional work is required, the agreement at this stage is to the approach itself: Make sure the team is committed to work with the outcome of the proposed analysis and evaluation.



If the team is still not able to reach agreement, you may need to use a techniques like Win-Win Negotiation, Nominal Group Technique or Multi-Voting to find a solution that everyone is happy to move the team ahead.



When conflict is resolved take time to celebrate and acknowledge the contributions everyone made toward reaching a solution. This can build team cohesion and confidence in their problem solving skills, and can help avert further conflict.

This three-step process can help solve team conflict efficiently and effectively. The basis of the approach is gaining understanding of the different perspectives and using that understanding to expand your own thoughts and beliefs about the issue.



Preventing Conflict

As well as being able to handle conflict when it arises, teams need to develop ways of preventing conflict from becoming damaging. Team members can learn skills and behavior to help this. Here are some of the key ones to work on:

• Dealing with conflict immediately – avoid the temptation to ignore it.

• Being open – if people have issues, they need to be expressed immediately and not allowed to fester.

• Practicing clear communication – articulate thoughts and ideas clearly.

• Practicing active listening – paraphrasing, clarifying, questioning.

• Practicing identifying assumptions – asking yourself "why" on a regular basis.

• Not letting conflict get personal – stick to facts and issues, not personalities.

• Focusing on actionable solutions – don't belabor what can't be changed.

• Encouraging different points of view – insist on honest dialogue and expressing feelings.

• Not looking for blame – encourage ownership of the problem and solution.

• Demonstrating respect – if the situation escalates, take a break and wait for emotions to subside.

• Keeping team issues within the team – talking outside allows conflict to build and fester, without being dealt with directly.

To explore the process of conflict resolution in more depth, take our Bite-Sized Training session on Dealing with Conflict.



Key Points

Conflict can be constructive as long as it is managed and dealt with directly and quickly. By respecting differences between people, being able to resolve conflict when it does happen, and also working to prevent it, you will be able to maintain a healthy and creative team atmosphere. The key is to remain open to other people's ideas, beliefs, and assumptions. When team members learn to see issues from the other side, it opens up new ways of thinking, which can lead to new and innovative solutions, and healthy team performance

Men, Women, & Love

Men, Women, & Love

If you listen to people talking about love between men and women, you will quickly find that the love they describe may have only a slight, or even no, resemblance to the love you found when you searched your heart, mind, and soul. Many men and women sincerely believe love is a physical attraction between the sexes that somehow magically appears, must be cultivated by keeping the partner interested, and sometimes simply fades away. From the rush of adrenaline and the pounding heart which accompanies puppy love, to the passionate emotions of the "perfect" affair, most of humankind accepts, and in fact welcomes, the pleasant feelings of sexual thoughts and deeds.

All manner of sexual experiences are accepted without question. From the "innocent" enjoyment of a beauty contest, to the pleasures of casual sex, to unbelievable perversions, people enjoy whatever degree of sexual excitement their background and their "morals" will allow. Each of these indulgences is justified by some form of argument about sex being only natural, and feeling good being all right.

Even those whose ideas about love and marriage are more traditional are often lulled into what, for lack of a better description, may be called romantic love. The intense emotions that accompany any relationship, plus the pressures of society, combine to push people into playing stereotypical roles of dating. Men and women do the best they can to be interesting to each other, to make each other have a good time, and particularly not to rock the romantic boat. A general fear of being unpopular, of losing favor with another person, of being an oddball, runs through most people's minds.

When a man and a woman fall into playing "the game of love" they lose their identity as people who can truly love each other. Even though they may think what they are feeling is love for one another, it is more often infatuation with the romantic atmosphere and the idealized images of themselves they have created. The question is asked with increasing frequency, can a man and a woman really love each other for the rest of their lives?

Think a few minutes about the love you found when you searched your heart, mind, and soul. Then think about giving that love to another person, and in return being loved by them. If you truly understand love, you will understand that true love can exist between any two people, and that true love between a man and a woman can exist. The love you find in your heart, mind, and soul is far more than physical attraction, or magical moments. It is the ultimate, joyful relationship between two people, where each person cares as much for the other person as for himself or herself. If you understand love, you know it is the deepest commitment one human being can give another.

If a man loves a woman, and a woman a man, when they look in each other's eyes they are not filled with lust, they are filled with love for each other. When their hands touch they are not filled with desire, they are filled with deep feelings of love. When they are with each other they know their love will not fade but will truly last their lifetimes. If they decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together as husband and wife, then they may choose to marry, and perhaps have a family.

Some readers will throw their hands up and exclaim what simplistic mishmash this is, life is nowhere near as easy as that, nor are human relationships that simple. Those who understand love know that what I am describing is far from simplistic. If you truly understand love, you will understand that the love I am describing is the basis of the deepest and most profound relationship two people can have. What makes these sentences sound naive and childish is the tendency of all of us to equate the word love with what we have been told love is. Novels, movies, poets, television, rock stars, friends, parents, teachers, have told us love is some sort of fragile entity which comes and goes with adversity and changes in the weather.

To people who only understand love in so limited and weak a form, the idea of deep and permanent love shared by two people seems a romantic absurdity. It is little wonder they find it almost impossible to believe true love can exist between a husband and a wife. What I am saying is that if two people truly love each other, they are not attracted to each other by desire for physical pleasure, they are brought together by love. When they are with each other, they have real, true, deep, love, in their hearts.

What about the intense, “passionate” love we sometimes see between people, which may drive one human being to heady, irrational, and "total" commitment to another human being, even to the point of deeply hurting friends, children, or spouses? I do not suggest the intensity of passionate "love" does not bring to its participants incredible pleasure, pleasure beyond the physical, pleasure which would perhaps be the goal of all humankind were it not for that which must be lost in gaining it. For even though I have tried and tried and tried and tried to imagine the coexistence of what we might call passionate love with that which we have called true love, it seems to me they cannot exist together in one human being. A person who chooses to give passionate love to another person, cannot also choose to give true love to all people. Passionate love overwhelms true love, it demands that people do that which they would not do if they loved all people.

The love you will find when you search your heart, mind, and soul, love every person can give every other person, may not bring with it the emotional high passion offers, yet it is an all consuming love which becomes part of a person's very being. Though it may lack the emotional fever that accompanies passionate romance, the transformation that occurs when a human being chooses to love all people gives that person love which does not appear and disappear, brighten and fade. It is love that is with them and comforts them every moment of their lives. A love that does not focus its energy on one or two people, but rather a love that spreads out from a person and grows and strengthens as it radiates into the world. That love, whether it is called ideal or pure or true, or just called love, is more intense than any love I can imagine.

Indeed, while it is true that the love between two people who love all people is clearly different to the explosive passion of two lovers for whom the rest of the world does not exist, I believe it is in fact far more intense and beautiful and joyous. Only a man or a woman who gives real, pure, true love to all people can give real, pure, true love to each individual person. The person for whom love must be a passionate emotional experience shared by a few does not understand and cannot give to anyone the all-consuming love which lies within them. They have locked fellow human beings out of their hearts, minds, and souls and thus have lost the love that, if it is given to anyone, must be given to all.

What about the millions upon millions of people who most would conclude do not "lust" for each other, but who look at each other as being physically attractive, and who may "flirt" with each other? When the vast majority of people look at each other, at least to some extent they see each other as more or less physically attractive, as having a more or less pleasant personality, as being more or less desirable to be with, etc. Far beyond the question of sexual attraction, most human beings will tell you that they get along better with people who exhibit “compatible” personality traits. Indeed, most people have a group of "friends" they enjoy being with. It seems that people like to be around people who make them "feel good". Is there anything wrong with that?

If when you look at someone you are looking for something in them that makes you feel good, whether that may be "innocent" sexual attractiveness or delightful conversation or something else, you are not giving them the love that is in your heart, mind, and soul. If you love someone, when you look at them you do not have thoughts about their physical appearance. If you love someone, you do not think about what their personality is like. If you love someone, you do not think about whether or not you want to be around them and be their friend. If you love someone, you do not have thoughts about whether or not they make you "feel good". If you love someone, when you look at them you have love for them in your heart, mind, and soul.

If you give someone true, pure, real, love, you will love them, and you will not think of them as someone you do or do not want to be around. You will love all people, including those who other people consider to be ugly or dull or stupid or inferior. When you look at them you will not see someone who is sexually attractive or vivacious or funny or popular, you will see someone you love. When you look at them you will not see someone who is ugly or dull or stupid or inferior, or anything else, you will see someone you love. If you give to everyone, the true, pure, real, love that is in your heart, mind, and soul, they will be more than your friends, they will be your family who you love.

Matrimonial Websites

Matrimonial Websites has rapidly gone from being in the dark, almost like FarmVille on the web, to people’s acceptance. With just a handful of websites that offered such services, there is now huge bulk of competing websites, and some even claim hundreds of marriages from their website.


Which website is effective and why I’ll post in some other article, but here are a few quick pointers for guys/gals with marriage on their minds. These are simple, non-gender specific dating tips. Let’s call these laws of kazaar.com:

ü No photo means something’s wrong. If there is no picture, there has to be a reason. Next profile please!

ü Photo Selection – Don’t post a picture that was clicked in 1800 BC. Post a current picture of yourself. Also don’t post a picture that makes you look serious. Smiling leaves a positive impression always.

ü Acceptance – Many of us still have not accepted the concept of Internet Matrimony Search. It’s nothing to worry about. Just keep your eyes and ears open and rest all is the same as the proposal from a known person. Nevertheless we investigate a proposal regardless of the source.

ü First impression is the last impression. Your profile is a representative of yourself. A honest and frank profile without stupid mistakes can do wonders for you..

ü Check your profile for grammatical errors and spellings. It’s worth the extra time it takes to review it.

ü Paid Membership members are more serious in their search than non-paid members. I kind of realized this during my search

ü Social Networking Sites – Use these sites to search and find out more about the person you met online. You never know – you might as well find that person with a bunch of mutual friends…

ü Have patience. In local language Dheeraj Rakho! Remember requests received may not be accepted the same day and vice versa.

ü Beware of Fake profiles. If you find a Mr/Ms World online with extraordinary qualities, you might want to check again.

ü Remember you are on a matrimonial website for matrimony and not dating. Guys/Gals join in search of marriage prospects where elders enter the scene very early. Infact mostly its parents, who creates the profile.

ü Don’t stereotype your profile. For example don’t write “Should be fun –loving etc” who doesn’t like that? Instead of that write what you feel like for example “I would love to go for a movie followed by a quiet dinner and finally ending the evening with a drive”

ü Emailing and Chatting are good but too much time on it is senseless. If there’s some chemistry, fix a meeting. Don’t make long term plans during the first meeting. If the chemistry continues during the meet too, there’s plenty of time to make elaborate plans but at the same time, if the person is a busy bee to make plans, next profile please!!

ü All that glitters is not gold...Meaning whatever is written on profile might not be completely true…both guys and girls lie about something.

ü Be true about yourself. Past present and future... (Past during the first meet and present & future on your profile)

ü Express yourself clearly. Don’t hide your expectations, and aspirations. For example, if you’re a girl and looking for a partner with his own house mention it. For guys, if you like the girl to work after marriage or not, make sure you mention it.

ü Sixth sense factor – If you feel the person is showing signs of dis-interest then listen to your sixth sense. It’s not necessary that it’s because of you. It might be some other factors. Next profile please!!

ü People over the age of 35 often have issues. And it’s not only men, but women too…one of the major reasons for their issues are their sharp inclination towards their careers.

ü Don’t take rejections personally. There are millions to choose from and one is made for you. After all our country’s population is over one billion...so just chill

ü Saying 'No' is important. If you don’t like any member who sent you a request, don’t hesitate to say no at the initial phase itself. Saying no is as better than saying nothing. In case you find any member unsuitable after some communication, politely refuse them.